Want me to kill the Shit Out Of your Weeds?
Ok let's get a few things straight upfront
I am NOT a magician... I am a lawn man.
Been a lawn man since I was a lawn boy at 12 years old.
(Me, doing the same shit 30 years ago.)
Don't hire me if:
You can do it cheaper yourself. (you can''t and you will probably kill your lawn)
You want one treatment. Thats dumb and it won't work.
You have a really shitty lawn that needs to be resodded.
You expect a miracle in 3 days. I am not Jesus, and grass grows really slow. It takes time.
You want to hire the cheapest, shittiest lawn care company.
You have to ask your wife to have a nice lawn. She wants it. Trust me.
You have to "think about it". Either you want a badass lawn or you don't.
Ok so here is the deal,
We will kill the fuck out of your weeds. But it will take more than one treatment...
and if you want a really nice lawn... this is like Ozempic. You can't get off it.
Your grass needs us worse than fat girl needs a cheeseburger.
We do not kill Bermuda or Torpedo grass... hint because it is a grass and not a weed.
We will fertilize the shiznit out of your grass.
We’ll apply the maximum legal amount allowed to make your grass glow.
The price:
Our average price is $99. If you are getting lawn care cheaper than that... they are definitely screwing you.
Some lawns are bigger... and that means they cost more.
Resodding your lawn will cost over $10,000.
It would be really dumb to let your lawn go to pot and then have to spend $10,000 to resod.
And you will still need fertilizer and weed control to protect that investment.
I did'n't make the rules. I just kill the fucking weeds.
I got a guy I can get out there tomorrow and start smoking those weeds. Oh, and yes we have good reviews. blah blah.
Yes we have proof we can actually kill your weeds. Scroll down for before and after photos that I didn't photoshop.
Also, I have cute kids. Not sure if that really matters. I see other smucks post their family pics... probably because they can't kill weeds.
So you wanna get started or what?
We almost never let our clients down. 90% of the time it works every time
We almost never let our clients down. 90% of the time it works every time
About Us
I have three super cute kids… yes I know only 2 are pictured… I lost the third one… probably eating grass and destroying her dress.
Our treatments are safe for crazy kids and devious dogs… thank god.
I am the owner, and I guarantee we suck less than your current provider.
We keep your lawn in almost perfect condition.
Year Round.
Testimonials
John F Kennedy
After just a few weeks of using Liquid Lawn, my lawn has never looked better! The grass is thick and green, and I saved a ton by avoiding sodding. Highly recommend!
Elvis Presley
I was skeptical at first, but Liquid Lawn truly delivered! The soil in my yard was so poor, but now it’s thriving. Plus, the team was fantastic and stood by their guarantee!
Joe Rogan
Liquid Lawn is a game changer! My lawn went from patchy to perfect without the expense of new sod. If it didn’t work, they promised to work for free, but I didn’t need it!
Madonna
I can't believe the difference Liquid Lawn made! The 4-in-1 treatment revitalized my soil and saved me money. The team was great to work with, and they really care about results!